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Have you ever found yourself in a compromising situation where you were disrespected? Insulted? Snubbed? Or taken advantage of?
You may have felt helpless, or even victimized in this situation.
While it may feel like you were utterly defenseless in this situation, you can bet that your perpetrator was banking on you to feel like this, so that ultimately they could get away with their offensive behavior.
However, the truth of the matter is that you do have power and control in these situations. It all comes down to how you handle the situation, and whether or not you stand up for yourself.
Whether you’re faced with a difficult, challenging situation at work, in your relationship, or at school, learning how to stand up for yourself is an invaluable skill and lesson that we all must learn at some point.
So the next time you feel compromised or disrespected, take control of the situation and stand up for yourself with these 8 steps.
How to take control and stand up for yourself
1. Define your exact boundaries. Have you ever come across a situation that either aggravated you or made you feel disrespected, and yet you just couldn’t put your finger on what the exact trigger was? The next time you’re faced with this feeling, identify what your triggers are, and where exactly the line gets crossed. It may be that someone took advantage of your time and blew you off. Or that they made a sly, offensive remark towards you. If possible, write down these boundaries so that you have a clearer understanding of what your limits are.
2. Be assertive. All too often when we’re taken advantage of or disrespected, we’re caught completely off guard so that we end up not doing anything, rather than standing up for ourselves. Practice being assertive and voicing your feelings in a clear, direct and honest manner when you’re disrespected. It’s not always the most comfortable thing to do, but knowing how to be assertive with others is a valuable communicative skill. Additionally, showing assertiveness not only garners respect from others, but also shows that you respect yourself enough to stand up for what you believe in.
3. Be simple and to the point. When you do stand up for yourself and voice your feelings, be simple and to the point. You don’t need to elaborate on your feelings. Just let them know that they crossed the line, and that it’s not ok. If someone has tried to belittle you, for example, you could say something as simple as, “You’re being disrespectful and that’s not ok. Let’s have a productive conversation when you can show some respect.”
4. Hold yourself confidently. When we’re faced with a situation that makes us feel uncomfortable or compromised, the last thing we feel usually is confidence. One way to combat this is to actually trick your mind into feeling confident by acting confident. The mind can actually mimic the emotions of your outward behaviors, so when you stand tall and hold your head high, you’ll not only look more confident, but you’ll also feel more confident.
5. Practice what you preach. Whether you’re calling out someone on their disrespectful bullsh*t, hanging out with your friends on the weekend, or in a meeting at work, be transparent and authentic in all your interactions. For example, if you stand up for yourself when someone badmouths you, but then you go and badmouth them, you’re no better than your perpetrator, and you can bet people will notice if you don’t practice what you preach.
6. Set the example worth following. No matter how offensive or disrespectful someone may be to you, it’s always important to be the bigger person and set the example worth following. Most of the time a bully is just after your reaction, and if you make the choice to react to them and their offense, you’re giving them exactly what they want. When you call them out on their behaviors, be simple and to the point, without resorting to disrespectful or offensive language. Don’t stoop to their level, and show them what it means to be the bigger person.
7. Show people how you want to be treated. If you don’t show people exactly how you want to be treated, they’ll continue to cross the lines you haven’t drawn for yourself. For example, maybe you have a friend that consistently blows you off, and yet you always forgive them and let their flakey behaviors go. Stand up for yourself, and show your friend how you want to be treated and respected. It’s not ok that your friend continues to disrespect you and take advantage of your time. The next time this happens, call them out on their flakey behavior. Not only will they be far less likely to do it again, but they’ll also respect you and your time more if you stand up for yourself.
8. Stay consistent with your boundaries. Remember the boundaries you outlined earlier? Stick with them in all your interactions, and don’t make exceptions. When you do let something slide and make an exception, people will assume that you don’t really mean what you say, and they’ll continue to not show you the respect you deserve.
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