Points covered in this post:
- How low self-confidence affects us
- Causes of low self-confidence
- How to build your self-confidence
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How Low Self-Confidence Affects Us
Have you ever asked yourself, “How can I be a more confident person?” Or wondered why your confidence is so low? Suffering from low confidence can affect your life in every aspect. It can influence the choices you make, how you interact with others, how well you perform at work or in school, and ultimately how you see yourself as a person.
As if that’s not enough, low confidence affects how others see you, how they treat you, whether they trust you, how they speak to you, and whether they like you. Fortunately, it doesn’t matter what others think of you, as trying to gain their approval is completely unnecessary if you want to become a more confident person. But wouldn’t it be great if you were confident enough to believe in yourself, and confident enough to not care about what others think of you?
Think of some leaders you admire. What did you like about them? Was it how they held their head high? How they answered questions with ease and assurance? How they readily admitted to not knowing something, and didn’t apologize? All of these qualities have one thing in common: confidence.
Confident people have the ability to inspire others, whether it’s their audience, their friends, their family, their clients, or their peers. Fortunately, self-confidence like this is something that can be learned, and with a bit of practice, you too can have the confidence you crave, and the successful future you desire.
The causes for low self-confidence and low self-esteem can be many, as there is no one cause for everyone out there. It’s important to identify at least some of the root causes of low self-confidence in your life, as you’ll be more able to effectively target those areas, and bolster your confidence, as a result. Here are some of the most common situations that cause low self-confidence.
Causes of Low Self-Confidence
- Trauma. Trauma can arise from a range of experiences, but primarily abuse. Physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse are all causes for low self-confidence, and can engender feelings of guilt and/or shame. Those that are abused often believe that they did something to deserve the abuse, and that they are not worthy of being loved, respected, or cared for.
- Neglectful parenting. How we see ourselves as individuals is heavily influenced by how others treat us, starting in our childhood. Parents or guardians are our primary caregivers growing up, and whether they’re involved or not in our upbringing, and how they treat us has the ability to greatly affect our self-esteem.
- Negative influence from peers. Just as our parents or guardians influence our self-confidence growing up, so can the way our peers treat us. Negative interactions with our social groups, including being disrespected, being peer-pressured to do things we don’t want to do, and not having our opinions or ourselves valued can all negatively affect our self-confidence development, marring our own self-image.
- Feeling a loss of control. A lot of people experience what is called the “existential crisis,” where we wonder what the whole purpose of life is, and if and how we fit into that purpose. What am I doing with my life? Do I even matter? These feelings of hopelessness can significantly affect one’s self-worth and confidence.
- Regret. Feeling regret for our previous choices in life is a common cause of low self-confidence. Maybe we tell ourselves that we didn’t try hard enough in school, or that we should have done something else with our life, or that we should have taken more risks. Whatever past behaviors we’ve engaged in, it’s easy to feel shame and regret for them, and become trapped in a cloud of self-doubt and diminished confidence.
- Body image. Body image can exponentially affect your self-esteem and confidence. Society surrounds us with images of unrealistic body types for both men and women that supposedly illustrate what the ideal, or healthy body type is. This can lead to feelings of shame, feeling inadequate or unattractive, and can further emphasize one’s low self-confidence.
While there are far more causes for low self-confidence than these, you may find that some of these causes resonate with you to a degree. Luckily, low-self confidence does not have to a permanent feature in your life, and is one that can easily be changed with a bit of persistence and practice. Read on to learn how you can build your self-confidence.
How to Build Your Self-Confidence
1. Stand tall. Tall and straight posture is one of the most obvious external signs of confidence that we see in others. Research has also shown that when we stand tall, we feel stronger, as well. So stand up as straight as you can, or even wear heels. The human mind can actually begin to reflect what behaviors you exhibit, so if you stand tall and confident, you’ll feel tall and confident.
2. Own your morning ritual. How you get ready for the day can greatly influence the course of your day and how you feel. Though it may feel vain to spend extra time on yourself getting ready, it’s a significant way that you can build your self-confidence up for the day. So take the time to make that delicious breakfast of eggs and bacon, break a sweat on your morning run, indulge in your vanilla latte, and spend a little extra time picking out your clothes or putting on makeup. The more confident you feel about your appearance and health, the more self-assured you’ll be.
3. And while you’re at it, listen to rap in the morning. According to research, listening to rap music also has the ability to instill confidence in its listeners. Check out Spotify’s recommended rap playlists, and turn it up!
4. Stretch it out. Not only does stretching improve your posture, it also improves blood flow and refreshes your perspective.
5. Confront what you’re afraid of. Feeling afraid often arises from feeling like you have no control over a situation, and when we don’t feel in control, our emotions control us, letting fear run rampant. So the next time you feel afraid of something, practice confronting whatever it is that is making you feel this way, so that you can gain a sense of control over the situation. With time and practice, you can build your confidence to develop a more rational approach to your fears, rather than letting your emotions take the wheel.
6. Think of a time where you felt powerful. Remember when you nailed that speech or presentation? Or when you landed that job after so many interviews? According to research, moments of confidence like these can influence your present state, and make you feel more confident.
7. Talk to yourself. Did you know that talking to yourself can improve your memory, sharpen your focus, and also make you smarter? Even the Navy Seals and those in the Special Forces have been trained to use positive self-talk to manage their fears and keep going when they’re challenged. Give yourself affirmations and change how you view yourself. By reassuring yourself with positive self-talk, you can overcome your fears or whatever is holding you back, and build your confidence to get through your challenges.
8. Tick off an item on your to-do list. What’s been stuck on your to-do list for a while now? Stop procrastinating, pick an item and get it done NOW. Having accomplished a task–simple or difficult–will instantly build your self-confidence, and make you feel capable of accomplishing more.
9. Look for solutions, not problems. When we get bogged down with low self-esteem, it’s easy to see everything as a problem, and if it’s not one now, well, then it’s only a matter of time. Rather than seeing everything as a potential problem, look for solutions to fix them instead. By tweaking your thoughts from negative to positive, you’ll feel more equipped and confident to handle any problems (should any arise).
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