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Love Is Blinding
We’ve all had someone that yanked our heartstrings (maybe a little too hard). Being in love with someone can be the most exciting, spectacular, eye-opening, and wondrous feeling. It can literally take your breath away when you fall in love, and make you wonder how you ever lived without that person to begin with.
Which is why it feels like your world stops turning when things end.
My first love was like that. When I fell in love, I finally felt like someone knew me, and it was such an incredible, freeing feeling to be with someone that appreciated me for who I was. It made me feel like we were the only two people that existed in our little, impenetrable bubble of a world.
But in this way, love can also be an unstoppable, blinding force. When you fall in love, it’s easy to overlook those tiny details that would have bothered you before. For me, I was even willing to overlook the fact that he had an overwhelming tendency to objectify women. I had always pictured myself marrying someone that aligned with me on such fundamental issues. But alas, love blinded me, and I decided to overlook nearly everything that would have bothered me prior to meeting him.
Love does that to you. When you fall in love someone, you’re willing to ignore any potential problems, including the most basic, fundamental differences. After all, what kind of person wants to be a Debbie Downer when they’re experiencing true love?
But when things come to a crashing halt later on, you finally realize just how big those little issues were, and how those things that you said didn’t matter, actually did.
Coping With Heartbreak
Learning how to get over someone is difficult for everyone, and no experience will be the same. I know someone that ate half a tub of chocolate frosting while watching Friends every night when she’d get sad about her ex. I know another person that went on to date nearly a hundred “rebounds” before she felt normal again. And another friend that decided to take up surfing. How you cope with heartbreak and sadness will differ from how everyone else copes.
Finding ways to get over your ex isn’t easy, and sometimes there’s a part of us that just doesn’t want us to move on from them. After all, when we finally move on from them, then we know that it’s really over with no chance of us getting back together with them. And realizing that fact in itself is an added heartbreak.
However, if you truly want to move on from your ex and start living your life again without all that emotional baggage you’re still carrying, it’s essential that you fall out of love with your ex, and move on and away from them.
So how do you stop being in love with your ex? Read on to find out what techniques you can use to get over someone fast.
How to Get Over Your Ex Fast
1. Date yourself. Ok, I know this sounds tacky, but it’s actually a proven, psychological method of getting over someone. Dating yourself is the mindset you need to have after a breakup so you can show yourself that you actually can take care of yourself and that you don’t need your ex. Essentially, treat yourself how you would want someone else to treat you. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. Book a fun weekend trip somewhere. Buy a massage. Whatever you do, spoil yourself a bit!
2. Consider a social media detox. I know I’ve told you before about the benefits of quitting social media, but there’s never been a better time to at least take a break from it than when you’re going through a break up. During a break up, the last thing you should be thinking of or seeing is your ex. And social media is right there to remind you of them all the time. If you don’t want to get rid of social media altogether, consider at least un-friending them. Trust me, you’ll get over them a lot quicker if you’re not forced to see pictures or videos of them.
3. Whatever you do, don’t text or call your ex. During a breakup, it’s more than tempting to reach for your phone and send your ex a text. After all, what harm could a short little text do? A lot! With texts, it’s easy to misinterpret what is being said and to assign more meaning to a few words than necessary. The moment you text them, you take a few steps backwards and it makes it even harder to get over them. When you feel an urge to text them, instead text a pal to take your mind off your ex.
4. Listen to sad songs. Why does sad music sound so good when we’re heartbroken? Well, it turns that out our brains actually really like sad music because it invokes emotions of peace and tranquility. So who cares if your neighbors are sick of hearing Adele? Get your sad groove on and turn it up!
5. Stay busy. For the next month, throw yourself into every activity you can think of. Why 1 month, you ask? It takes about 1 month for the brain to form new neuropathways, so the best thing you can do is stay busy with plenty of activities. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do? Or what’s a habit you want to cultivate? Get into a new fitness routine. Clean out your closet. Go on a hike this weekend. Try out new restaurants or coffee shops with friends. Essentially, plan out your next month like your life depends on it. I promise you, after 30 days of staying super busy, your outlook will be immensely brighter.
6. Hang out with your friends more. With all the extra time you have now since you and your ex split, spend more time with your buddies. Spending time with friends has been shown to actually decrease stress and anxiety. Seeing your friends could be just the pick-me-up you need.
7. Find a rebound. While it may seem shallow to find a rebound to help you get over someone, studies have shown that those who rebound following a relationship experience improved well-being compared to those who stay single post break up.
8. Tick off an item on your bucket list. Moving on from an ex is tough, but there is a silver lining there. Breakups provide the perfect opportunity for self-discovery, and what better way to learn more about yourself than trying something new? Have you always wanted to see the Grand Canyon? Plan a road trip! Have you always wanted to learn how to ballroom dance? Sign up for a class! Pick something you’ve always wanted to do, and finally do it.
9. Set aside time to reflect. When you’re past the angry phase of your breakup, make time to reflect on what you’ve learned. What do you want your next relationship to be like? What qualities do you value even more now in a person? What can you do differently in your future relationships? If possible, journal your thoughts to really reflect on what you’ve learned.
10. Remind yourself of what you won’t miss. It’s easy to fall into the trap of missing your ex and thinking about how great things used to be. However, sometimes our brain blurs out the not-so-great parts of our past, and tends to give our history more of a rosy glow than it deserves. What things are you not going to miss about your ex, though? Was it their temper? How they ate sushi? When they ignored you? Remind yourself of these things from time to time when you’re tempted to think about them.
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