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We’ve all experienced periods of guilt where we’ve questioned what we’ve said and/or done, and feel like we have, in some way, fallen short.
Feeling a sense of guilt often results from an underlying sense of responsibility we have to others. And if you’re someone that’s already emotionally sensitive to others’ needs, then it’s likely you experience guilt far more often than the average person.
I often feel guilty when I feel like I’ve not given my time or genuine attention to someone, even if I hardly know them. I’ll convince myself that I have in some way failed them, or fell short of their expectations of me, even if this is not the case.
Related: How to Curb Your People Pleasing Tendencies
Sound at all familiar? Experiencing guilt like this makes it harder to move forward, especially if we know we made a mistake or potentially hurt someone else.
While guilt is not typically a pleasant emotion or feeling, there are ways you can use your guilt to learn and grow, and ultimately move forward.
The next time you’re feeling guilty, work through these 5 steps to move forward.
How to Overcome Your Guilt
1. Realize that you can’t change what has happened. When we feel guilty, it’s often tempting to replay the sequence of events in our minds that ultimately led to the feelings of guilt. Realize that no matter how many times you think and rethink the situation, you can’t change what has happened. Acknowledge how you’re feeling, rather than resisting the guilt or trying to deny how you feel.
2. Reframe your thinking. Once you’ve acknowledged how you feel, don’t look back. Instead, look ahead at new possibilities. Reframe your thinking by considering new solutions. Ask yourself, “How much better would I feel if I didn’t feel guilty anymore?” Or, “How else can I view this situation?” By asking yourself these meaningful questions, you’re not denying your guilt; rather, you’re reframing your perspective.
3. Note what you can control, and forget the rest. You know that you can’t change the past, and you’ve reframed your perspective on the situation. Now, your goal is to identify what exactly you have control over. Your reaction and how you respond are examples of what you can control. There will always be situations that arise that are beyond our control, but we can control how we react, and the ways we can influence those situations.
4. Identify the steps you can take. Once you’ve noted what you can control, identify the steps you can take to move forward now. What things can you do to improve your current situation? What actionable steps can you take to move beyond this situation?
5. Learn from the experience. The previous steps would mean nothing if we didn’t learn from them. Now that you’ve made the effort to acknowledge your guilt and move forward, it’s time to reflect on what areas you can improve upon. Maybe you’ve learned that you don’t need to take things so personally. Or maybe you’ve realized that you need to be more sensitive to others’ feelings. Take note of what you’ve learned from this experience. Be constructive, not destructive. Negative self-talk won’t get you anywhere, but positively reflecting on how you’ve learned and grown from the situation will move you forward.
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