How We Judge Others is How We Judge Ourselves

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Why We Judge Others

You’ve probably heard before that ‘how we judge others is how we judge ourselves,’ and there is some truth to that.

When we judge others, we unconsciously assess and rate them in our minds. How? Well, there are some specific ways we judge others. We might judge based on:

• Their appearance (e.g. their clothes, body type, etc.)
• Their job and what they do for a living
• Their status and social standing
• Or their relationships with others.

We measure them up on an arbitrary scale in our minds, thereby judging them to see where they fall on an imaginary good-bad spectrum.

But why do we judge others? Why do we even feel the need to rate and assess them?

There are several psychological reasons as to why we judge others. To an extent, judging others is a natural and inherent reaction we all have.  We’re hardwired to assess other people, and to see whether they’re a threat to us.  We all have this innate component in us, and it’s how our ancestors survived long ago.  By being able to determine whether someone or something was either harmful or safe, our ancstors could ensure their own survival as a species.

However, the line quickly gets crossed from normal to unhealthy when we let our judgments go further and affect our behaviors towards others, and ultimately let it guide our thoughts and actions.

Going deeper, there are other psychological reasons for why we judge others.

Firstly, we want to know if this other person we’re judging is trustworthy.  Once again, this type of judgment is an instinct we all naturally have.  When we don’t feel that another person is trustworthy, we feel the need to protect ourselves from them, which can lead to a host of reactive behaviors, such as withdrawal or distancing.

Secondly, we issue judgments to assess whether we should respect this other person.  We analyze them to see how competent they really are, and may question their qualifications and experience to make that assessment.

When these two questions are answered with a “yes,” it’s likely you will judge them in a positive light.  However, when one or both of these questions are answered with a “no,” you may find that these judgments go deeper, and often not in a healthy direction.

When these judgments take a negative turn and we deem someone else to be untrustworthy and/or incompetent, we turn to other aspects of this person. We may judge them about their appearance, their job, their status, their relationship, what kind of car they drive, and the list goes on. Our thoughts take a dive into our deeper subconscious, and typically are a reflection of what’s important to us.

So as the saying goes, ‘when you judge others you judge yourself.’

What Judging Others Says About You

In short, issuing extended judgments of others, whether it’s about their appearance, their relationship, their job, status, etc., is a reflection of our own insecurities and perceived shortcomings.  It often explains far more about ourselves and our character than the actual person we originally judged.

Does this make you a bad person, though?

No, it does not.

As I mentioned earlier, issuing judgments is a natural, instinctive reaction we all have. But, when those judgments go deeper, it can become a negative, self-compromising habit.

Think about it, when you assess someone based on the clothes they wear, or the car they drive, or the person they’re with, it’s likely you’re also comparing yourself to them to an extent. Self-comparisons like these over time can whittle away at our self-esteem and confidence.

This is why it’s important to bring awareness to this habit, as the consequences to ourselves are far more damaging and detrimental than we may realize, especially over time.

Keep reading to learn what exactly happens when you judge others, and how you can break the habit.

5 Things We Do To Ourselves When We Judge Others

1. Judging others keeps us from living in the present moment. When we judge others, we allow our past, often less-than-positive experiences to overshadow the beauty of the present moment.  We allow ourselves to be weighed down by the baggage of our past, and consequently project our negative experiences and feelings onto others. When you feel yourself using your past to evaluate the current moment and person you’re with, ask yourself: where is this coming from? Give yourself the opportunity to live and experience the present moment, and allow yourself to give others the chance they deserve before you issue your judgment.

2. Judging others allows our own insecurities to take the wheel. Our judgments of others may seem harmless at first, but ultimately how we judge others is how we judge ourselves. Judgments magnify our own insecurities, and reflect how we feel about ourselves.  For example, when we criticize others for their life choices, like not going to college, or for starting a family “too young,” or for applying for a job that they’re “unqualified” for, do you think it’s possible that you’re potentially feeling insecure about your own life choices? If this is a possibility, strive to bolster your confidence. When you feel more confident and secure in our own choices, you won’t feel the need to judge others’ choices.

3. Judgments prevent us from keeping an open mind.  An open mind is key to our own growth and personal development.  It’s what allows us to try new experiences, to form new relationships, and to test our knowledge.  However, being judgmental seals us off from trying anything new, and closes our minds to anyone and anything. We issue judgments about experiences before we give ourselves the opportunity to experience them, which not only robs us of living in the present moment, but also restricts our personal growth.

Related: 5 Ways to Practice Open-Mindedness

4. Judging others keeps us from forming fulfilling relationships. By judging others, we close ourselves off from trusting others.  We sabotage the relationship before we can even let it begin, which is both tragic and unfulfilling. Good, positive relationships are what make life rewarding, but if we’re constantly assessing others and seeing how they measure up, we’re always going to be dissatisfied with not only others, but ourselves, as well. For the sake of your own happiness and the health of your relationships, allow others the chance to be trusted before you judge them. It can be scary at first, but almost always it’s worth the risk. 

5. Judging others gives us a a false (and temporary) power trip. When we judge others, we take on the false belief that we are somehow different, or even better than others. We let our judgments reduce others in our minds, while elevating ourselves to a higher, more superior role. While this may make us feel good in the present moment, it’s a fleeting feeling overall and, when it subsides, will cause far more damage to you than the party in question.