In this post:
- The far reaching effects of bullying
- How to deal with bullies at work
Please note that this post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosures here.
The Far-Reaching Effects of Bullying
Bullying and bullies can take many forms, particularly at work. It’s difficult to know how to handle adult bullies, as bullying behaviors may not even be that obvious. Bullies may resort to subtle forms of aggression that only you may notice.
Bullying presents a host of negative, harmful effects for the victim or victims, and can splinter a workplace and its productivity overnight. While I’ve dealt with bullies and bullying in the workplace before, working in entertainment was the most challenging environment for me by far. Several factors may have contributed to this climate though, such as the cut-throat competitiveness, high-turnover, job insecurity, and lay-offs happening throughout the company.
There are a multitude of effects I experienced, both personally and professionally, as a result of this bullying.
Professionally, the rumor spreading and reputation sabotaging (a less overt form of bullying) undermined and discredited myself and my work. My team members withholding information (also a subtler form of bullying) made it difficult for me to do my job properly. The backstabbing created an unstable environment that made me less likely to trust anyone, and less likely to rely on my team members. And the exclusionary tactics my department used to ostracize me (and other victims) created a non-inclusive, threatening environment to work in.
On a more personal level, the effects of bullying can go even further.
I had a splitting headache most days, as a result of my incessant worrying, wondering what female adult bullying scenarios I’d have to deal with next at work. Several days a week, I felt sick to my stomach as a result of going to exceptional lengths to avoid further conflict with people in my department. The anxiety and tension followed me home most nights, which lead to fights between my spouse and I. Most nights during the week, I couldn’t stay asleep through the night and I was sleep deprived, as a result. My immune system became worn down, and I found myself getting colds much more frequently.
And lastly, I found it difficult to enjoy my life beyond work. I found myself dreading going back to work the next day, or on Monday after a fretful weekend thinking about what had happened, and worrying about what would happen next.
Bullying behaviors have far-reaching effects, as you can see. If your job is getting to the point that I’ve described above, and you’ve spoken with your manager about this but things aren’t improving, I would recommend looking for another job. It isn’t worth it for your health and happiness to stay in this kind of environment, trust me. If, however, this is your dream job, or you want to try to make it work, here are a few tips you can try the next time a bully gets you down.
How to Deal with Bullies at Work
1. Put your game face on. Most bullies are after one thing: your reaction. The next time they do something that upsets or hurts you, try your best to not react or show how you feel. This is the best way to handle a bully. Doing so will disappoint your attacker and show them that you don’t care (even if you do), and may hinder their future attempts to bully you.
2. Keep a detailed account of events. Write down what exactly has happened, and when it happened. Keep a running list of events that document what was said, done, and who, if anyone, also witnessed it. This document may come to your rescue when you least expect it.
3. Keep your family and friends close. Keep your support network strong beyond work to boost your confidence, self-esteem, and resilience. By surrounding yourself with those who love you and support you, you’ll feel stronger, more confident, and better able to handle the bullying.
4. Ensure the support of your boss. Meet with your boss to explicitly detail what exactly is going on. It may be that your boss will be able to quell some of the bullying behaviors from a top-down approach. He may also have some ideas for how to prevent bullying for your specific situation. Be sure to bring your detailed account of events with you to further reinforce what you tell your boss. Lastly, though you want to be as calm and collected as possible, don’t be afraid to show your emotions. It’s important to highlight exactly how this is making you feel, and how much it is affecting you.
5. Stand your ground. Don’t let yourself become an easy target with bullies. If you let them know how much it’s affecting you by becoming upset, and then also let them continue without consequences from you, your bully will feel more emboldened to persist. To stand your ground, you have to clearly outline your limits to the bully and be direct. For example, if your bully continues to harass you or make disparaging remarks, you can simply say, “You’re being disrespectful and inappropriate. You need to stop.” Set your limits clearly and let them know that their behavior is out of line.
6. Know when it’s time to move on. If you’ve tried all of the above tactics but still aren’t getting anywhere, it may be best to consider moving on. The long-term effects of bullying can be considerably damaging to your mental health, and it’s simply not worth it to try to stay in a work culture where bullying behaviors go unchecked. Though it may feel like you’re letting the bully “win” by leaving, you’re not. You’re making the choice to not deal with this anymore, and you’re taking care of yourself. By staying in an abusive work culture, you won’t be proving a point or teaching anyone a lesson. Everyone, including you, deserves to work in an environment where they feel safe and they’re treated with respect. If your current organization can’t do that for you, there are plenty of other places that will, and who will also value you and your skills.
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