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When it comes to flirting and putting ourselves out there on the playing field, it can be rough. For a lot of us, flirting doesn’t come easily. We place incredible amounts of pressure on ourselves to be the perfect, best versions of us, and that can be, well, exhausting.
To top it off, we know that when we put ourselves out there, we’re opening ourselves up to being judged by others. This, coupled with the pressure we already place on ourselves, can sometimes make us act in ways that we usually never would. For instance, someone that is typically outgoing and warm may appear standoffish and distant when placed in certain social settings. And someone that is always calm and collected may become overly anxious, chatty and awkward.
The best advice I can give you is to be yourself (as cliché as it sounds). Stop trying so hard to impress others, and you’ll find that flirting doesn’t have to be an emotional rollercoaster, and can actually be fun.
That being said, there are a few all-too-common mistakes that you’ll want to avoid when you flirt. We’re all guilty of having made one of these mistakes at some point, but sometimes just having awareness of these behaviors is all you need to keep your encounters both fun and not too awkward.
14 All-Too-Common Flirting Mistakes That Are A Total Turn Off
1. Being overly touchy-feely from the get-go. Not respecting others’ personal boundaries, even when you think you know what they are already, is a big no-no when it comes to flirting. If you’re being too forward or aggressive with your body, that person is likely to feel extremely uncomfortable. Instead, take things slow and give them plenty of space so that they feel comfortable being around you.
2. Teasing too much. There’s a clear difference between gently teasing someone and provoking them to the point of becoming aggravated. Though it may be in your nature to tease others, and even yourself, not everyone likes to be teased, especially when they’re trying to get to know you. They may see your harmless jokes as insensitive and even cruel if they don’t know you too well.
3. Acting like you’re the sh*t. While you should definitely embrace your confidence when you’re flirting, it can be a bit much when you cross the line and become arrogant and too braggy. Though you’re probably not an arrogant person to begin with, first impressions matter, and whomever you’re with may decide that your ego is too much to handle.
4. Bringing up past exes. For the love of God, DON’T bring up your exes, no matter how much this person reminds you of them or if the break-up is still fresh on your mind. When people flirt with each other, they’re doing it because they desire a new beginning with someone else, not because they want to talk more about their past, their crazy exes, and the break-ups that tore their hearts out. If you can’t help but talk about your ex when you flirt, you might want to consider whether you’re actually ready to date again.
5. Delving into politics. Politics are typically a polarizing issue and the last thing you want to do is dive into a heated controversial debate or argument.
6. Making assumptions. When you flirt with others, think of them as a clean slate and remind yourself that you really don’t know them yet. Humans are wired to make snap judgments, especially when we meet someone for the first time. While you should always trust your gut, don’t assume that they’ll always know what you’re talking about. They may not be familiar with the lingos that may be common at your job or with your friends, or though they may look like an “Appletini” kind of person, resist the urge to order for them.
7. Talking about your future with them. No matter how certain you may be that they’re “the one,” don’t start talking about your long and happy future together. There may be a lot of “signs” for potential with this person, but most people don’t want to have their future spelled out by someone they’ve only just met.
8. Acting disingenuous. Not being true to who you are is one of the most self-compromising moves you can make when it comes to flirting. If you’re insincere or acting fake, you can bet that others will pick up on it.
9. Trying to make them jealous. The fastest way to turn someone off is to try to make them jealous, so avoid flirting with other people and definitely don’t talk about who else you’re attracted to. Trying to make them jealous will only backfire and push them away.
10. Being standoffish. I completely understand that you want to protect yourself when you get out there on the playing field. But crossing your arms across your chest, angling your body away from them, and not making eye contact are all body language signs that you’re not into them. Instead, keep your arms relaxed at your sides and face them. Also, it doesn’t hurt to smile a bit more, as it sends them the signal that you’re genuinely interested in them and that you are happy to be in their company.
11. Oversharing on every topic that comes up. When it comes to flirting, a good rule of thumb is to keep things light. You’re making a first impression when you flirt, so avoid diving too deeply on any given topic.
12. Lying to impress them. Everyone loves a good story, and a few minor embellishments here and there are fairly harmless, but don’t lie through your teeth to try to impress anyone. Lies always come back to bite you in the a**, and it will only turn off whoever you’re trying to impress.
13. Bringing up super-heavy emotional baggage. Talking about how and when you decided to give up meat for life, extreme weight loss or weight gain stories, or how Bambi always makes you cry are not the best topics to discuss when meeting someone for the first time. Remember: keep it light.
14. Expecting too much from them. No matter how well things may be going when you first meet someone, try to avoid causing yourself unnecessary pain and anguish by keeping your expectations to a minimum. For example, expecting them to call you later that very same night, or expecting that they’ll ask you out on a date tomorrow are all possibilities, but not necessarily guaranteed. Expecting too much from others, especially in a first meeting, can strain your interactions with them. While a second meeting could very well happen, it’s important to protect yourself and to keep your expectations in check.
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